Q: What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?
A: A one molar solution.
Q: How do Sulfur and Oxygen communicate?
A: A sulfone
Q: Why do chemists call helium, curium, and barium the healing elements?
A: Because if you can't helium or curium, you barium!
Q: Why did the noble gas cry?
A: Because all his friends argon.
Q: Why did the acid go to the gym?
A: To become a buffer solution!
Q: Why can you never trust atoms?
A: They make up everything!
Q: Why does hamburger have lower energy than steak?
A: Because it's in the ground state.
Q: How many moles are in a guacamole?
A: Avocado's number.
Q: If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice?
A: H2O cubed.
Q: Why did Chlorine's sisters Boron and Carbon lock her in the closet?
A: Because she was too attractive!
Q: Did you hear about the chemist who was reading a book about Helium?
A: He just couldn't put it down.
Q: What is a chemist's favorite kind of tree?
A: A chemistree
Q: Why did Carbon marry Hydrogen?
A: They bonded well from the minute they met.
Q: Why did the white furry bear dissolve in water?
A: Because it was polar.
Q: What do dipoles say in passing?
A: "Have you got a moment?"
Q: What do you call a periodic table with gold missing?
A: "Au revoir"
Q: How did the chemist survive the famine?
A: By subsisting on titrations.
Q: What element is derived from a Norse god?
Q: What do you do with a dead chemists?
Q: What animal is made up of calcium, nickel and neon?
A: A CaNiNe
Q: What did the chemist snack on during lunch?
A: A 'gram' cracker.
Q: What would you call a clown in jail?
A: Silicon (Silly Con)
Q: What weapon can you make from the elements potassium, nickel and iron?
A: A KNiFe.
Q: How did carbon propose to Hydrogen?
A: With a "carbonkneel"
Q: What did one titration tell the other?
A: Let's meet at the endpoint.
Q: How can you spot a chemist in the restroom?
A: They wash their hands before they go.
Q: Why are chemists great for solving problems?
A: They have all the solutions.
Q: Anyone know any jokes about sodium?
Q: Why do chemistry professors like to teach about ammonia?
A: Because it's basic material.
Q: What is a cation afraid of?
A: A dogion.
Q: What did the Cowboy Chemist tell his horse?
A: HIO Ag!
Q: What kind of ghosts haunt chemistry faculties?
A: Methylated spirits.
Q: If H20 is water what is H204?
A: Drinking, bathing, washing, swimming. . .
Q: According to a chemist, why is the world so diverse?
A: Because it's made up of alkynes of people.
Q: What is the most important rule in chemistry?
A: Never lick the spoon!
Q: What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?
A: A ferrous wheel.
Q: What did the chemist say when he found two new isotopes of Helium?
Q: What's wrong with a joke involving Cobalt, Radon, and Ytterium?
A: its CoRn Y
Q: What do you get when you combine samarium, argon, tellurium, asenic, and sulfur?
A: SmArTe AsS
Q: What is it called when Queen of England farts?
A: A noble gas
Q: How did the blonde define hydrophobic on her chemistry exam?
A: Fear of utility bills.
Q: What fruit contains Barium and double Sodium?
Q: Why do chemists like nitrates so much?
A: They're cheaper than day rates.
Q: What is the chemical formula for the molecules in candy?
A: Carbon-Holmium-Cobalt-Lanthanum-Tellurium or CHoCoLaTe
Q: Why is potassium a racist element?
A: Because, when you put three of them together, you get KKK.
Q: Do I know the molecular formula for sodium hydride?
Q: Did you hear oxygen and magnesium got together?
If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate!